Monday, July 9, 2007

Think Jews are Stingy? Try Italians!

We get a bad rap for our supposedly stingy ways but "ain't nobody" cheaper than an old Italian. There's an old ginzo couple near where I live with both a "No Parking in Driveway" sign and a "No Trespassing Sign" prominently affixed to the entrance of their weed-filled driveway. The kicker is, they do not even own a car!

I remember an old "Mussolini-type" that used to live across the street from me. I did not know his name but referred to him as "No Blocka" because he sat all day in a wifebeater in front of his driveway on a white plastic chair and whenever someone would park and encroach on the curb cut in front of his house he would yell, "No blocka! No blocka my driveway!" He would literally call the police and try to have a car ticketed if it was even an inch too close. He too did not drive. And when it came time to sell his house because the block "got too Jewish" he wanted blood - from the very people he harrassed. And guess what? Some sucker who couldn't afford a better neighborhood gobbled up the house and gave Mussolini top-dollar like it was the last piece of property available on the Italian Rivieria.

The above anecdotes might explain a territorial or selfish, rather than a cheap attitude but did you ever see the inside of an old Italian home? Mirrored walls and brown shag carpet (or the occasional generic white tile) in the living room and faded yellow linoleum in the kitchen are bad relics of the 70s. And then when they want to retire and buy a condominium in a 55+ South Jersey community so they can get away from all the Jews, they try to weasel top dollar for their eyesores from eager young Jews who plan to gut the crypts anyway. While Jews often renovate (for vanity or necessity) these old crows don't even slap a coat of paint on their houses for decades. They might say "I didda all the worka myself," but in reality it would kill them to have to hire a contractor once in a while.

Try doing business with these people. They'll squeeze every dollar out of you and if you are a business owner, God forbid you make a profit. They always think you are "one-upping" them and even if you give them a fair deal, they'll walk away in their old Members Only jackets and call you the cheap shylock!

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